Brain Injury Association of North Bay and Area

Explanation of Mask

I am hoping my mask will portray my anger, my self loathing, the self pity I feel every day of my life as well as the regret and empathy I feel for my children who had to grow up with the backlash of their mother having a brain injury. It wasn’t easy for them at all.

Every year I get worse. Now I have to live with the fact that my granddaughter won’t like me as she gets older when she realizes grandma is different.

The colours on my mask represent different things. The blue face and tears are for depression and sadness. The black face represents me living in isolation. The red tears are the anger and hurt I feel.

The cotton on the forehead is for the fogginess I live with 24/7.

Explanation of Mask

Since my stroke I feel I have gotten 95% better and I am feeling more capable. I exercise regularly on my three-wheeler and I am still improving day by day.

The support I receive has been extremely helpful and made a huge difference. Thank you to PHARA and the March of Dimes for being there for me.

Explanation of Mask

My mask is skin-toned and though I have a brain injury, the core, the spirit is still the same.

I need extra sleep and am often tired. The emotional filter has to be addressed.

Mostly happy before the accident, the smile represents half anger and depression.

I am fully bilingual and am now learning Spanish.

A paraplegic – I have had to do three years of rehab and relearn how to speak, focus and deal with simple math equations.

I am a proud Canadian with native roots enjoying 3 of our great seasons.

Christian, I believe in the Spirit of Life, Love.

Explanation of Mask

My mask represents how I feel every day living with my brain injuries – sometimes scared, mostly healing but wondering when the next fall or knock on my head will occur.

I painted my mask purple to represent healing. The seven pink flowers stand for my siblings and me.  The letter “N” is for my name. The googly eyes represent the fact that my eyes feel strange/funny at times.

The peace sign shows that I am always looking/searching for peace. The phrase “you know who you are” is a reminder for me because of some memory loss.

The pointed orange stars represent the knocks on my head and the question marks represent me wondering when the next knock will be.

Explanation of Mask

My mask shows the differences between my good and bad side.

It shows that I’m not that different. It just takes me a little longer to figure things out.

Explanation of Mask

I have made my mask backward. I am displaying my life after my brain injury. My injury was from several falls where I fell and hit my head on cement. This caused my concussion which in turn damaged “my processor”. I cannot retain new information or understand all that is being said. I interpret messages incorrectly and I write down the wrong information when it is given to me verbally. I need someone to confirm what I have written is what was said. It is very hard to know whether what I have written is accurate.

I have lost my independence and self worth. Other areas have been affected as well such as my happiness, judgement and hope. I am unsure about my future.

Explanation of Mask

The mask represents how I was shortly after the accident when things were at their worst. I was full of fear and anxiety. I experienced double vision, both my short term and long-term memory were affected and I could not distinguish any sensation on various parts of my body.

I had to relearn how to walk, talk, read, recognize who people were, and figure out who I was.

Although things have improved significantly over the years, that was terrifying and very a stressful time in my life.

Explanation of Mask

The words on the mask represent my likes and previous work experiences.

The hair and eyes represent how I think I look.

Explanation of Mask

The mask represents how I see myself. The letters CG stand for my name. The feathers represent my native heritage. The jewels are to show that I love to wear jewelry and the red lips are because I enjoy wearing red lipstick.

Explanation of Mask

The yellow side of the mask represents my life before my stroke. It was good. I was content more than ever! I was happy with the everyday things, working, and doing the average life things. There was no foggy vision or thinking and no extreme emotions.

The black half of the mask represents the left sided loss from my stroke. Full left sided neglect occurred right after the stroke. All I remember most is heart wrenching crying and not being able to stop for months.

The words are the different emotions I felt when the stroke happened. The cotton represents blurred and foggy understanding and vision.

Explanation of Mask

My mask is a representation of the pain, confusion and disorientation I experienced following my accident.

The scars represent the surgeries I required to repair my face and I now have three steel plates.

The cotton in my eye signifies the loss of vision in my right eye.

Explanation of Mask

For the majority of my life, I lived undiagnosed with the effects of a brain injury(s). I carried on living with headaches, brain fog, confusion and so much more, but I pushed through and became successful in many areas of my life.

When the second last TBI happened in 2011, it shattered my fragile world I worked so hard to hold together. Those symptoms that I hid or really didn’t even understand, became impossible to overcome or hide.

In 2014 after my last TBI, my world imploded. I couldn’t function on a day to day basis. I withdrew from life just to stay alive. I have never felt so alone, isolated, afraid or out of control in my life. I was trapped inside my head and all its brokenness unable to escape the pain, the symptoms, the guilt, the fear. I felt myself falling away like the leaves on a tree in the fall. The world was out there with everything I loved, but I was being held captive in my own brain and body, watching as the world passed me by. I was mad, sad, depressed! I missed who I was before, my life, my family, my sport, my abilities. No longer could I fake my way through this and pretend for others that I was okay. I hit rock bottom and like Dorothy on the golden brick road, I had to make a choice – get help, get stronger and take control back or end up dead.

I am strong so I chose to fight, find help and do whatever it takes to get better and accept that I will never be the same as I was before (but then have I ever been okay with all of the TBI’s I have had).

I still fight every day in one form or another but I am winning this battle inch by inch. Slowly but surely, my brain, that for so long has been much like dory – forgetful and disorganized, just keeps swimming towards a better, healthier, happier life, where I am accepting of myself, my brain injury and the gifts (the unseen gifts) it has brought along this journey.

Explanation of Mask

My mask represents my journey through brain injury – my past, my family and “retirement”.

Explanation of Mask

Although things have improved a lot since the first few months post injury, I struggle with numerous symptoms that significantly affect my daily living, my family, my social life and are preventing my return to work. I feel as if I am waging a battle against the darker side of myself and it would be so easy to slide into despair when I reflect on all that I cannot do, all that I have lost and the frustration that I experience on a daily basis is profound.

In more recent months, I have found a degree of acceptance and am learning to accept help and support. I am hopeful that in time, the struggles will be fewer and I will adjust to find peace with the new me.

Explanation of Mask

My mask depicts from left to right the difficulties with audio and vision that have gotten better over time but not via the broken paths created by the brain injury but by realizing that I had to blaze a completely new trail to get me to a “new” home I could live in which is different than the one I had prior to the incident.

The frog is a symbol for all the losses I’ve had to accept along the way, which still on occasion reminds me in my throat, of the struggles of walking a new path to get from A to B.

There has been much confusion along the way and many unanswered questions for which I have developed faith to help me deal with all the changes.

I am grateful for all the people that have come along side of me to help me to the better place I am in today.

Explanation of Mask

My mask explains how I feel now that I have a TBI. The paper maché represents my difficulty finding who I am. The cotton depicts the fogginess I deal with daily.

The sparkles represent my “zoning out”. It will happen and I won’t even know it. It is like the blink of an eye and it is gone – I have no recollection of what just happened. The stickers on my mouth signify that I have a hard time expressing myself both mentally and physically. My eyes are just sitting there with clothespins because I have difficulty picturing/imagining things.

The feathers are to show that I do have some good days too. They remind me it’s going to be okay and I’ll get through this – to stay strong and be brave.

Explanation of Mask

“A picture speaks a thousand words.” I use my mask to show what happened to me so that it will not happen to others. My brain injury affects both my memory and my functioning.

I now have seizures and am required to take medication on a daily basis to control them.

I had a near death experience and I am lucky to be alive! I pray and give thanks every day.

Explanation of Mask

The mask represents my life since the stroke. I always try to learn something new and give it back to someone else.

Life is all about change and how to make it work for me. The skill is for those moments when all goes wrong.

Love is something that has helped me get through the tough times.

Explanation of Mask

The mask represents my life since my brain injury. The eyebrows, tears and frown represent the sadness I feel. The scar represents the several surgeries I have had. The heart and the star represent my hope that things will continue to improve.

Explanation of Mask

The top half of the mask is black representing my injury. I put my name on the forehead and the numbers 1981 as that was the year of my accident. The blue represents emotions such as sadness and grief. The green represents that things are getting better as in nature when spring comes. The red is happiness, showing love, contentment and pride.

The frowning white face symbol on the mask represents being angry, grouchy, irritated and annoyed. The lightning bolts represent pain from migraine headaches. The black lines under the eyes are tiredness from not sleeping well and worry. The white tears from my eyes are for sadness, grief as my girlfriend died in the accident and loss of my former self. The rainbow after tears are for things getting better, with the sun coming out.

The happy face is pride and contentment for what my life is today. The shamrock is luck as I was given last rites in the hospital The three hearts represent love for my marriage and family.

Explanation of Mask

The purple represents brain injuries and/or broken bones. I am a life long survivor of acquired brain injuries (ABI) and traumatic brain injuries (TBI). My first memory of serious brain injury happened in 1957 before I started school. The most devastating brain injury was in 2009. The pale colour represents the loss of self and my struggle to find a way out.

Some life long symptoms you might notice are my balance, body movement, speech, thought processing and lack of speed. There is so much more damage from the ABI that you do not see. What you do see is Yes, I take longer than you have patience for to move and communicate. You do not know or understand how much effort and what a challenge it is for me to function.

I am not drunk, high, or mentally disturbed. Being crushed and dented has allowed my perception of life to see what is truly important.

Please remember I am still a valuable, intelligent and contributing member of society.

I am still all of me.

Explanation of Mask

The Spiderman represents the superhero each of us surviving a brain injury is, while also showing the mystery and cloak we hide behind. We find strength we never believed possible in ourselves and adapt and adjust however we have to.

The butterflies are to show the changes we experience and to show it is a BEAUTIFUL result more often than not. They also show the steps we need to take to find that beauty may not always be so beautiful but holds great rewards.

The spider shows how scary it can be… We start with fear before becoming fearless; with weakness that becomes IMpossible strength; we learn that change propels us forward to live a life of both discovery and miracles. Then we learn to live life the way it could never have been lived before.

Explanation of Mask

The mask represents the four months I was in hospital, the terror I felt of not knowing what was going to happen; of not being able to remember things; of looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself. My face was bloated from the medication and steroids; of not knowing why. Toronto did several tests but never found out why this happened to me.

Not being able to see was like looking through a tunnel. I had to relearn to tell time, do math, read. It has gotten better but I still have trouble doing the simple things. ANXIETY is a continuing problem.

Explanation of Mask

The mask is painted yellow and green to depict my favourite colours.

The feathers and the word “birdman” are reflective of my nickname.

The third eye is representative of my seeing life in a whole new way now.

Explanation of Mask

Ever since my first seizure, I was looked upon differently. In the beginning, my seizures were not controlled so I had some in public. These were very emotionally hard as people staring down at me like an “Alien or Freak” hit me hard. To me, I was the same person but I felt like a “broken toy”, no longer useful or complete. I felt like I was a broken mug that no one wanted to drink from.

I was called a liar after being struck by lightning, even though my wife was standing eight feet away and saw me launched from a ladder.

I have found that it is a daily battle that no one sees or feels the stigma attached to “broken toys”. It was not my fault I hit the floor in my late twenties when I was strong, virile and almost in Olympic physical shape. I went down one day at home and my life changed from that point on. I was off work for a bit but then the company I work for found me a place in engineering as I had done surveying work before I came to them. I worked there for a summer and then was interviewed by the company C.S.O., a former RCMP, and was recruited into the department I continue to work in today. This department was formed for injured employees to return to work if they could not longer perform their original duties. I had to learn how to manage my stress, sleep, diet, basically everything, in order to avoid seizures as much as possible.

I have found since the lightning strike, my emotions have been heightened and, in some ways, even more keen as I am susceptible to sounds, light and my energy levels can go from great to almost nil. Some sounds that are higher pitched or drone bother me and make me feel anxious or angry and I have to shut it off. Repetitive sounds that are out of sync (a fan with a bad bearing that squeals or vibrates or any vibration like a car’s wheel out of balance) I both hear and feel. I say precisely what I feel with very little filter.

Every day is a new challenge, but as I have been dealing with this for many years, I have learned to just deal with it as it comes. Is it hard? It depends on the day. I find my patience level is not what it once was for rude or unsocial attitudes. I don’t smile or laugh much anymore. I guess time and life has changed that for me, but I am still here and living life one day at a time. Adapt and move forward.

It is not he pitfalls that change us, it’s how we deal with them. This, I’ve learned to deal with as well as I can.

Explanation of Mask

Most of my brain “injuries” are self inflicted. So often I felt like a fake when I was attending the stroke recovery group.

However, my attitude to life has very much improved since my TIAs. That is the reason I quit smoking. I was a smoker for over 40 years but have been smoke free since my last TIA 3-4 years ago.

The FOG in my brain and thinking had already lifted and I became a new and better person when I stopped drinking. I am now in my 10th year of sobriety.

I am grateful to be alive!

Explanation of Mask

I’m okay but I’m broken. I’m broken but I’m okay!

Even though my accident was minor and my injury mild, it has changed my life. Since this is all fairly new, my future is still undetermined. I’m no longer able to work and it is difficult in my personal life to do the things I used to.

I am learning to live in the moment and take life day by day.

Sometimes the best thing to do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

Explanation of Mask

The colours grey/red represent ages 5-11: Constant pain, ISOLATION, SILENCE, no one wants to hear; all thoughts are locked in my head, told I wouldn’t live past 18; FEAR.

The red/blue represents ages 12-29: challenged to fit in, to learn, to keep up; FRUSTRATED, LONELY, PAIN. Strive to overcome, persevere to find the one who listens with Love. FAITH in God and myself saved my sanity.

The green represents FAITH, MEDITATION. Yoga helped me to see what was/is/and could be. I found a family of my own to love. Will continue to overcome, one step at a time – ONWARD.

The gold represents 60 years. Music, laughter and love keeps my pain and thoughts under control.

Battle forever onward. I am a survivor.

Explanation of Mask

After the coma, I lived in a cloud for months but at the same time, I felt very clear on my wants and needs. Relearning about my life was hard along with relearning to read, write, and use a coffee maker. I am so lucky to have my loving husband and daughter to help me through all the joys and frustrations.

Despite the coma, I feel I am a stronger person, regardless of having a “cloudy brain” once in awhile.

I love my family. I love my life. I am still learning to embrace the struggles, changes, challenges and disappointments but I have learned that after the clouds part – the SUN is always there.

Explanation of Mask

Prior to my stroke, I enjoyed fishing, hunting and camping.

My stroke has affected my speech and communication. I have aphasia. It is frustrating but I am able to get my message out with help from people that know me.

The buttons represent my difficulty with speech and the letters are my thoughts.

Explanation of Mask

“Recovery Road”. When I awoke after my stroke in hospital, my first and most lasting impression of my situation was to imagine myself on a long, dusty road in the middle of an arid nowhere. I came to call this place STROKELAND.

This mask represents the journey of recovery that has been my life for the past thee and one-half years.

Long, hard, but hopeful and with the destination in sight.

Explanation of Mask

I decided to paint my mask using colours to represent my brain on fire. That fire is starting to seep into the rest of my face and it feels as though now it will be a part of my life forever.

I tried to paint make-up as it is my own daily “mask” I use so that people say “Julie you look great!”. They assume I am okay but I am struggling.

The ruby red lips represent the weeks of losing my speech and the years it has/will take me to learn patterns again. I used to take speaking for granted – now I know what a privilege it is.

My mask is both beautiful and ugly, dark and light, hopeful and discouraged — which is how I feel regularly.