Brain Injury Association of Ottawa Valley / Pathways to Independence / Vista Brain Injury Services

Explanation of Mask

Upon recovering from surgery I began my journey in faith.  I prayed every morning and evening for God to give me my vision for 1 day, so I can see my family one more time.  I said this same prayer every morning and night for over 2 and half years.  One day, miraculously, spots of sunlight, then movement, shadows began to be seen.  Eight years later I have perfect eyesight, something medical professionals said was impossible.  I knew how it happened, my prayers had been heard and answered.

My faith, my family, my friends, they are my “everything”.  They stood by me and supported me through it all.

I once was blind, but now I see

God is Good

Explanation of Mask

My brick wall is to explain how I feel trapped inside my brain injury yet I have hope to get better.

I put mom in the centre of my mask because she’s always on my mind and is my biggest help with activities of daily living.

The butterflies are in memory of my Nanny who is also my guardian angel.

The cracks display my brokenness, a heart for all the love my mother & uncle have and continue to show me.

The tears show the hurt from all that has happened to me, the up and down smile shows how I don’t know how to feel.

The bird is for my mom and for my hope to somehow break free from my injury.

Explanation of Mask

This mask is divided into two sections:  before and after. I first chose a list of feelings/emotions and then colour-coded them appropriately.

The before section is represented by the RED COLOUR –  able, adequate, assured, brave, capable, comfortable, confident, easy going, energized, good, relaxed, safe satisfied and stable.

The after section is represented by the BLUE COLOUR – afraid, angry, challenged, confused, determined, different, distracted, exhausted, frustrated, gracious, grateful, helpful, hopeful, interested, lovable, lucky, surprised, tired, worried.

Explanation of Mask

The road in in the middle of my mask represents, my forever recovery and the time spent on the pathway. The good and the bad, there have been many steps I’ve had to take and that it’s a never ending journey. 

The blue shows, every day is a different day whether it’s on the “Bright side or the Dark side of the Moon” (Pink Floyd). New opportunities come up daily but with many restrictions. All three colours come together and make me. 

The tears of music notes on the mask represent how I started to get my memory back after waking up from a coma.  Every song helped me relearn who I was, bringing back old memories and the head with headphones on represents how I escape from the world to concentrate and understand myself.

The lady pulling her hair and the angry lady with pigtails represents the frustration, aggravation, emotional, irritation, and pissed off feeling that I get when dealing with certain people that just refuse to not cooperate with me. Trying to take in new information and understand often results in headaches, anxiety, and frustration. It’s a hard world out there. The lady with her finger over her mouth is sign language for silence, which I need a lot of because almost everything aggravates me.

The bodies doing yoga, and stretching represent the physical recovery (physiotherapy) to gain strength back in my right leg which is a result of having a right side Hemiparesis.

The little green care bear is a tattoo that I got on my right shoulder as my little lucky bear because it is amazing how far I have come along with my recovery. The heart at the top represents the love, care, and strength from family, friends, and pets while going through this long recovery.

The maroon colour represents my strength and confidence I’ve gained through it all with my mother and step-dad.  My mother has taken me under her wing over the last 20 years and helped me find who I was, where I am going, how I am going to get there and that I have to do it, nobody else will.  Although I will have some help along the way.  “Get up, Stand up, Stand up for your Rights” (Bob Marley).

I am happy that I have joined the Step-Up Program because I am socializing with others who have had similar brain injuries, learning about new ways that I can apply myself into the work world, working on working with others and coming to the realization that I am not alone.

Explanation of Mask

Before my brain tumour I was a happy person.

After living with my brain tumour I became angry.

Explanation of Mask

My mask represents who I may look like today.  Each of the staples represents one surgery which I have had five of.

The lowered eyebrow represents the nerve damage caused after my fifth brain surgery.  I feel lucky to have had minimal damage during my surgeries but this also has made me feel bad for other people who have (ABI) and worse outcomes than myself.

The grey side of my mask also represents the side of my head/face that has damage.

The green side represents both my favorite color and the undamaged side of my head/face

Explanation of Mask

• The pink part is how I look normal to most people
• The purple lines represent the working and full function of my brain still working
• The red lines and dots represent the disconnection in processing and loss of cognitive skills. No or little short term memory.  Although my brain works harder, I have learned to work it smarter
• The green is my new learned coping skills
• The sparkles in the green is my creativity and new calmer simpler kind of life.

I am a different person but I’m compassionate, loving, caring, and kind.  I still have my sense of humour and intelligence.

I am vibrant, courageous and determined to maintain and keep my I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-e

Explanation of Mask

I am very outgoing and a person who is willing to try pretty well anything within reason.

“DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF”

Explanation of Mask

The lion represents courage through all the things I had to go through after my brain injury: relearning how to walk, talk, improve my balance, and learning Braille.

The hand with the gift represents volunteering and giving back to the community. It also represents my gratitude towards the doctors without which I would not be here today and the teachers that taught me Braille. It makes me feel useful and it gets me out of the house.

The skier represents that I’m now able to do thing I was not able to before and it shows my determination.

The darkness behind the eye represents my sight – what I can’t see. The eye with the dot in it represents my tunnel vision of approx. 10%.   It no longer bothers me but it use to piss me off because I was different from other people.

The red half of the mask represents that I am now at peace with my brain injury. I put a smile on my mask to show that I keep a positive outlook on life.

The heart represents the love and support I get from other people (my family and friends).

I chose a four leaf clover because I feel lucky that they were able to find the tumor before it grew to big.

The man helping another up the mountain represents the BIAOV’S Step up Program where i am today. The program has helped me feel useful and able to participate.

Explanation of Mask

Left Side:  Is representative of me before the accident;

• I did my makeup daily
• loved colors and
• was very confident

Right Side:  Is me since the accident.

• I have less color in my life
• Emotions mostly flat
• Lost my confidence
• Left me embarrassed, dizzy & angry
• I feel that I have been cheated
• I am constantly sleepy and fatigued
• I am overwhelmed and frightened
• I learned to be creative

Explanation of Mask

The question marks on my mask represent the indecision I sometimes feel.  My left ear hurts and I lost my sense of smell.

Explanation of Mask

I have divided my mask in two to represent before and after my injury.

The telephone and Walkman are to illustrate that before my injury I was an avid caller to talk shows to voice my opinion on whatever subject being debated or discussed.

You will also see the words politics and activist.  You can see from the photos that I was very involved in the political world and was ready to take a stand whenever I felt it appropriate.  I was instrumental in getting free postage for children when they write their letters to Santa.

The other side of the mask is my journey to recovery and the program which I attend now the Step Up Program.  It is great going there because I met a lot of new friends.

The bottle with an “X” through it indicates that I no longer drink, nor do I smoke.

I still have my dog Marley but the thing I miss the most is walking him.  Due to poor balance it is difficult.

Explanation of Mask

• Eyes closed represent anxiety
• Mouth closed – afraid of what people would think about him
• Feeling ignored by his peers after his accident. I had many friends before the accident.  I was one of the most popular students in the school
• After the accident I lost contact with my friends and feel isolated

Explanation of Mask

My mask is in two colours because I am two different people right now.

The dark side is me now because I have to learn to live in darkness.  Before it used to be lots of light.  I lost my self and cannot find me so I live with this new person now who lives with great pain all day, every day.

I am blessed to be here and grateful.  I have such great friends that have been here for me.

Music has helped me gain back a lot of my movement.  I don’t want to give up.  The dolls are my family.  I am a mom to many children.

Eating habits have become more  healthy.

Family is the greatest thing in the world.  I am very loved and cared for by many.

The ME I used to be died in 2014, now my new ME comes forth.  I have gained many great things and see things different.

Explanation of Mask

• Sports take the worries away from me
• Music makes me forget about my injury
• The black part on my mask is because sometimes I get angry
• All the things on the blue side make me happy

Inside of my mask: 

Explanation of Mask

I painted my mask green because I love the green grass on a golf course in the summertime. I covered my mask with things that have brought me joy since my injury:

• My family is very important to me
• I love sports especially hockey’
• Movies, especially “3D”: are my favourite pastime

Explanation of Mask

In the five years since my stoke, I have had to adjust to new circumstances – a new reality. After more than three years of failing to return to work, I applied for and began receiving, financial support from the Ontario Disability Support Program.

I also joined some brain injury support programs: Vista Centre Day Program and Adjustment Group and Step-Up Work Centre, Artistic Expressions and Peer Support. There I was able to connect with people who knew exactly what my challenges were. I had found my tribe!

I still get headaches when I need to concentrate for even moderate periods of time. I am often confused about my schedule and I have to put everything in my calendar. I need to take pills to sleep and use a C-PAP machine when I do. I become fatigues even when doing things I love to do: cooking and playing guitar, taking photographs and listening to music and, even playing video games.

However, with the help of my tribe – Step-Up and Vista and my family and friends – I feel like I will continue to be able to improve my life, to enjoy my hobbies and to eventually return to work.

Explanation of Mask

The mask is in two parts because my injury left me paralyzed on my right side so the right side of my mask I have weights and that represents the rehab that helped me gain some strength back;

• The blocks represent me putting my life back together
• The tears represent the sorrow I have felt
• The DisAble with the Dis crossed out represents that no matter what disability you have you will always be  Able
• The question mark represent my thinking the first time when I first realized I had a disability I thought why me?
• The Bandage, represents that “yes”, I have been damaged but I will never stop trying to put my life back together
• The Door represents that just because a window closes I chose to open a new door for myself
• The hearts represents all of my supporters that helped during the roughest times in my life
• The star represents that no matter how dark any thing in life can get get there always is a bright side
• The flower pot represents that you need to take more time to enjoy all of life beauties big or small
• The quote “be the best you” represents the way I feel everyday you can always work to improve yourself no matter what
• Be the change you want to see in others

Explanation of Mask

The fragility of a cracked eggshell symbolizes the vulnerability of a person affected by concussion to further harm from small everyday events such as a loud noise.

The line also represents a graph of progress, with gradual progress interspersed with large and small setbacks.  After a setback one is even more vulnerable to further setbacks in a downward cascade, just as an eggshell, once cracked, is easily cracked further.

The brain sometimes feels hot and inflamed, liked bloodshot eyes.

The facial expression is apprehensive:  One never knows what might be about to happen that can make one worse.

Explanation of Mask

Menin = brain lining

Gioma = tumour

I had three operations for meningioma and cranial plasti.  The meningioma was fist sized.

My motto:  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Explanation of Mask

“My Life Since”

My thoughts and feelings

Inside of my mask:

Explanation of Mask

My mask is expressing the way my life is right now.  It is also showing how I used to be before my injury.

Explanation of Mask

This mask describes the yin-yang of brain injury rehabilitation. Like the yin-yang symbol, the mask has a dark aspect and a clearer one.

The yellow side of the mask shows the resilient aspect of my rehabilitation.  There’s a rainbow that rebounds.  I think it’s a good symbol of resilience because of the harmony of colours.  It has both light colours and darker ones.  As the rainbow, each colour goes in the same direction.  It’s a way of describing my focus on rehabilitation.  Each aspect of rehabilitation is important.  At first, I worked on the mental side of my trauma.  I went to group therapy to find the best way to deal with a trauma.  It’s a good way to find coping skills.  You also learn from what other people went through.

The second aspect of my trauma is physical.   I tend to have symptoms of fatigue because of the injury.  Also, my balance has to be improved.  Without my cane, I could easily fall when I walk.  I learned how to use one in the Rehab Centre.  Next step was to do yoga and tai-chi exercises in community health centres.  These activities are good in improving your balance.  I informed the instructors about my condition in case a posture was too difficult for me.   The treble clefs on the mask show my favourite hobby which is music.  It is a good activity to improve your coordination and stimulate your spirit. The eye lashes of the mask are in fact taken from sun pictures.  They are the sun rays.  The eyes of the mask show that I am cross-eyed as a result of my injury.

The blue side of my mask shows the darker aspect of my rehabilitation.  Since my trauma was something unexpected, I was not really prepared to deal with it.  The cheeks show the element of fear and tension I had to go through.  A close look at the picture on the chin of the mask shows bodies that look like sinking in water.  Many times I had that feeling of “sinking” into an out of control situation.  With patience, each challenge had to be dealt with one step at the time.  For example, mindfulness is a good therapy against anxiety. Breathing exercises can help you to control your heartbeat. A good analysis of your “darker side” can help you find solutions to your problems.

In conclusion, I hope my mask will inspire people to have a holistic vision of brain injury.  There are many solutions to several problems.  These solutions are found both in the physical and mental sides of human life. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work for you because each injury is different and everybody is unique in a way. Thank you for your attention.

Explanation of Mask

I painted my mask blue because it is my favourite colour. I placed words over my mask that represent my feelings towards my TBI:

• I used loss over my mouth because I suffer from vocal cord paralysis
• I used repairing because I have to repair myself to become better again
• I used limited because I am limited to do the same stuff I used to do
• I used different because I feel different compared to everyone else
• I used miracle because it is a miracle that I am alive because I was pronounced dead at the Civic Hospital
• I used leap of faith because I have faith I will get better one day
• I used challenged because it has been a challenging recovery
• I used gratitude because I am thankful to be alive and thankful for all the help I receive
• I used routine because I have a routine to get better and to take control of my life
• I used forget because my biggest challenge is my short term memory loss

Explanation of Mask

When going home I had difficulties with balance impairment.

I shed many tears, with a long road yet to travel.

I felt imprisoned, but knew there were angels among us.

The Lady bugs remind me of God’s good and loving animals.

My faith in God keeps me going, giving me freedom, peace and serenity.

I know I have this cross to bear, but God never gives us more than we can handle.

Explanation of Mask

The black lines represent the scars of the accident.   I experience dizziness and get tired.

On the bright side, there are days when I feel calm and content.

Explanation of Mask

Another brick on the wall…. Signifies the stubborn, unaccepting view of the label “disability”, who wants that?  Not me.

Rainbows are an acceptance of the joyous part of my life with Angels by my side.  I have discovered a new love of Arts and Crafts, through support from family, friends and the Brain Injury Association.

Courage and support is what they have done for me at the Brain Injury Association and now volunteering is as much a part of my life as adjusting to life each day.

The bug in the core is the cause of my brain injury.

Now, NEVER LOSE HOPE means never give up a lesson well learned at BIAOV.

Explanation of Mask

Everything is now different. Fragmented. Unpredictable. My injured brain makes me feel overwhelmed, vulnerable, anxious, frustrated, angry. Even if I look fine to you, even if I sound fine to you, it’s a deception. My brain works so hard to do even the smallest things that it used to do effortlessly. Things that I took for granted. This is life with a traumatic brain injury. It’s exhausting. You don’t see any of this. I live with it every moment of every day.  There’s no vacation from it.  I can’t leave it at the door. But hope remains. Like a butterfly breaking free of its cocoon, soaring past its limitations. Like the appearance of cherry blossoms, signalling spring and rebirth. Like kintsugi, the ancient Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer and gold, creating something to be cherished out of something that was damaged. It’s been over 6 years. Trying to put the pieces of my life back together in a meaningful way, even though the pieces no longer fit.   Trying to create something whole again. Trying to see beyond the challenges. Trying to find beauty in the devastation, to find joy beyond the sadness and isolation. I’m working hard to accept this new version of myself. I hope that you can acknowledge, accept, and support me as I am now.

Explanation of Mask

The blue base coat on the mask is intended to represent all people, regardless of age, visual appearance, the ethnic group that they belong to or what they believe in.  Anyone can sustain a head injury at any point in their lives. Mild Traumatic Brain Injuries (MTBI) are also known as concussions, and can be caused by incidents including, but not limited to, a fall, vehicle-related collisions, violence, sports injuries, explosive blasts and other combat injuries.

The puzzle pieces are intended to represent the interconnected parts of the brain. If one or more pieces are damaged or missing, the brain and body may not work as they once did. It can be impossible to see the damage with machines such as a CAT scan or an MRI and modern medicine is still in the early stages of understanding how the brain changes and repairs itself.

The words on the puzzle pieces represent the feelings and symptoms I have experienced since I sustained my injury. They don’t always occur all at once and each person with an MTBI may experience these ot other symptoms, to varying degrees and time frames, over the course of their healing journey. I chose these words because they represent things that may not be visible to someone who meets me, even if they know me well. There are many positive things that can occur in the life of someone with an MTBI, but this mask is intended to expose the factors that may be invisible.

The missing puzzle piece represents loss. Everyone who sustains an MTBI experiences loss in some way, even if it is temporary. They may lose a job, a relationship or the ability to participate in activities that once meant a lot to them. During this time of loss, the support of family, friends and professionals has been instrumental in my healing journey.

The butterflies represent change; change experienced in the life of the injured person and their families, change needed in available resources and research and change that is always occurring in the brain.

Explanation of Mask

The colours blue and purple represent the hurt and my bruised soul. The water represents the many tears shed. The orange signifies the burning and pain in my brain. The orange ear plugs are for the sensitivity to noise. The glasses are reflective of the necessity to combat light sensitivity and blurred distorted vision. Butterflies are a symbol of the thoughts that flutter away. The words display my many emotions that have become a roller coaster in my life. The white bubble with the word useless on it represents the words that I try to say which come out all crooked and do not always make sense to me or to others. The gold lines are there to show the fractured life my family and I live.

Some individuals may be able to complete this project on their own.  I struggled and required the help of many people to complete this project.

Explanation of Mask

The up and down smile represents that I was happy before the fall and now I feel:

• annoyed
• different
• nervous
• sad

Explanation of Mask

The left side of the mask displays me all in order.  Everything was okay in my life.  Even a cop for the military.  The right side of the mask explains the pain and disability that happened in my life.  There are many things that I lost the power to control.

Explanation of Mask

• Multi-coloured mouth – “difficulty with speech”
• Orange eyes – “frustration with vision”
• Dark blue and light blue forehead represents “being fucked up”
• Red Nostrils – Redness on nose
• Yellow right side of forehead “why not?”
• Grey, brown black beard represents “own appearance

Explanation of Mask

I have split the mask in half:

• My pain is constant on the right side at the top point of impact where the rock is and radiates out from there. It feels like a sharp pointy object has been stabbed into my skull and into my brain
• The pain radiating out from the point of impact is represented by pipe cleaners. It is nerve pain.  Most days I cannot touch that side of my head even to brush my hair.
• The red squiggly lines are nerve pain as well.
• The four diamond tears represent four years since I was injured and four years of recovering. A lessening of symptoms, thus the tears get smaller.
• There is also a sharp line from the point of impact straight down behind my eye to the mid cheek area. This also causes pain.
• My lips are pale and tight from the pain and constant nausea which is represented by the pukey green beside my mouth.
• I wear sunglasses because fluorescent lights cause extreme nausea and can disorient my thoughts. I become confused, struggle to find words.  Sunglasses have become an essential part of my wardrobe.  I get strange looks being in stores at night with them on.

The other half of the mask was me before.  Before people looked at me strangely and said “what’s with the glasses”.

Four years later, it can still be a bother.  When I struggle for words and look around for someone to please read my mind!!!  It is better and does not happen so often. I am so grateful for that.

I do miss the old motorcycle riding, working having a blast ME!  But this is the NEW ME and I am OK!  Onwards and Upwards.

Explanation of Mask

The markings on my mask reflect areas and senses (vision, scent, auditory senses) that were effected by my TBI. The markings also reflect areas that have been physically damaged.

The colours I used reflect the type of chronic pain and sensation I have.

The words behind my eyes and behind the skull reflect the psychological impact and changes to my identity, dispositions, my emotional state, and my outlook on my change of identity.

Explanation of Mask

I tried to keep it simple having the mask show the duality of my feelings.  Hurt that I was robbed of one possible future, yet resilient and helpful to others moving on.

Explanation of Mask

(Title of Mask – Thalia and Melponene) This mask represents the dualities we experience after our head injuries.  First, there is the separation of ourselves, I became a different person after my head injury even though I still wanted to do the things I love.

It also represents the emotional lability I experienced after my MTBI; one second you’re on top of the world and the next you’re angry/irritable or crying for no reason.

Finally, I wanted to portray the duality of pain (physical and emotional) I continue to experience as I heal and the compulsion to express the opposite when people ask me “how I am doing”.  There’s a lot of pressure to be a “good survivor” and stay positive, downplaying symptoms to avoid bringing others down and keep hope alive.

Sometimes I really do feel positive and hopeful but the image I portray does not always reflect the way I feel inside.  I stay positive out of love for myself and the others around me, but it doesn’t mean “I’m back to normal” and not experiencing pain, it just means I want to get on with my life.

The unfinished stitching represents the healing in progress – It’s a journey and I may never be my old self but I will always keep getting better.

Explanation of Mask

My mask represents before and after.  The right side represents all the things I loved and did before my stroke.   The left side represents the things I lost because of my stroke:

• I lost my voice, it has been a challenge
• I lost my confidence
• I lost my ability to drive
• I lost my attractiveness
• I lost my career and success

I put letters over my mask because it is hard to find my words.  My AA and family has made it more successful.

Explanation of Mask

I do find swimming, forest exploring, and poetry to be exuberating and I love to bake, sew and garden.  I have sewn a bridesmaid dress, curtains, suits and more.  Although I’ve been diagnosed with spatial, memory, and other disorders, I find some hobbies help improve these challenges. Sometimes I am very challenged to do things due to my limits or fatigue from medication; still also I find challenges invigorating and I enjoy a sense of achievement when done.

Due to disappointment or lack of motivation I sometimes need to ‘kick’ myself to bother trying, but am often glad when I do try. One of my greatest challenges is reading, especially long books, yet there are some I have thoroughly enjoyed; also I feel it is an achievement that I attained a B.Com (Hon) degree.

There are special friends and family who help complete my life.  I have had some strong relationships with doctors, but facing several conditions and surgeries in life, often they seem too busy to hear the patient.  I value the few who took time to hear.

Altogether life offers me an overall sense of peace upon achievement.

Explanation of Mask

I had my stroke life was great.  I had a good job. I loved going to work each day. At home I had done all kinds of renovations on the house and I did all kinds of work on my truck or other vehicles.  I was always positive.  I had great self-esteem and I was very independent.

After the stroke – I lost my job, I lost my licence, I lost my independence and I lost my self-esteem.  Now I am always second guessing myself, I get confused, I feel worthless and I don’t have the courage to do things and I find myself fearful.  To me I feel useless now.

Explanation of Mask

Left side of mask represents the 1st 5 years after the accident, controlled by Doctors & lawyers without knowing how to mitigate the collapse of my previous abilities. This side of mask is dull and lifeless with a turbulent mixed up brain that was short-circuiting. I could see no opportunity to progress, no future and no life.

Right side – Reflects the new life of possibilities, which opened up as I learned strategies to increase my brain’s ability to function. Eventually, mainly through exploring diet, exercise strategies I learned to increase my memory, mental endurance and ability to focus my mind. Due to Omega 3’s fish oils’ importance for brain function, I have several fish swimming over a brightly coloured clearer functioning brain.

The butterfly symbolizes my life free to explore, and to learn. I know this trip through brain injury has allowed me to see and experience life with more meaning and consequence than might have otherwise been.

Explanation of Mask

• The red side of the mask represents me before my stroke “happy”
• The green side of the mask is what I am feeling now “frustrated”

Explanation of Mask

The mask reflects the image of my moods with the three colours:

• The Red my part of my life during surgery
• The White is me excepting the changed part of my life
• The Green is looking forward to a better life

The tears are the days that remind me of how life was, and the way it is now.

Explanation of Mask

What a beautiful day!

Snap your fingers…….

BIFF…..BOOM…..BAM…

My life has changed….this is the new me…………………HELLO!!!

…..life & experiences may come & go

…..but my face remains the same

……an accident has changed my game

…..the red circle illustrates brain fog, vertigo, short & long term memory loss….it’s the core of my daily challenge….one that I say “no” to a lot

…..nature soothes my soul, calms my heart…..therapy ?

…..it’s call regenerates my mind, body & soul each day

…..the sun represents the core of my support….brightness….family…friends…health….natural healing & hope

When the sky is grey, my minds eye  only sees the sun, courage,  happiness & what’s next in life…I forget that I’m challenged,  this is the new me & I like me….do you understand….I will not be held back….

Rivers represent the future, present & past…..I sit and observe…it all happens right in front of you….make it happen whatever “IT” is……

I  sit there in the ”moment” grasp the present & enjoy my new life for whatever it throws @me….

Are you ready for the new me?