Community Brain Injury Services (Brockville)

Explanation of Mask

The one side of the mask is how I feel inside; broken and sad for what I lost. I lost the ability to walk and I have limited use of my one hand. The cracks represent the part of me that feels broken. I put teardrops on my mask because I am often sad. I feel that no one truly understands me. I don’t even understand my own feelings sometimes. Since my injury I developed anxiety/panic attacks and I struggle to cope. Lips are half black because I have difficulty speaking. The other side of the mask is my hopeful and happy side. The butterflies represent hope and new beginnings. I continue to make progress and hope my progress will allow me a fresh start; my new beginning. The mask is half burgundy and half green to bring awareness to both: AVM and brain injury. Burgundy is for AVM and green for brain injury.
“Remember as long as you are breathing it’s never too late to start a new beginning.” – Rumi

Explanation of Mask

Left Side (Old Me): The old me never left the house without her make-up perfect, her head held high and her clothes perfectly coordinated. The old me was a high heel wearing, professional mother of two with a thriving make-up business on the side. Right Side (New Me): The new me has to wear a hat because after the brain injury they put a metal plate in my head and now my head is sensitive to heat and cold. The cotton on my forehead represents the brain fog I now suffer since the brain injury. The tear on my cheek is because ever since my brain injury I cry easily out of frustration and out of the loss I feel for my former self / life. The right side of the mask that represents me now is wearing no make-up and has her eyelashes on crooked because I am no longer able to see very well, and can’t put my make-up on properly so I always feel unfinished. Ever since my brain injury I have lost a lot of the feeling sensation so now I wear earrings (I could never do that before because I hated the feeling of anything touching my neck). The old me died on October 8, 2003, the day I suffered my aneurysm, the day I suffered my brain injury. The new me is wheelchair bound most of the time. Gone are the days of high heels. I mourn the loss of the old me while working hard to make the new me the best I can be.

Explanation of Mask

Left side – After surgery: When I first became aware of my NEW life. My heart was broken. My spirit was sad. I was lonely and confused. The odds of me living were low. My eyes felt like they were moving around. Right side – where I am today, now! Happy. Thriving. Moving forwards and living again! One door closed and a BIG window opened for me! Sunny days are here again. Flowers are growing and I see, I know what I need to do to be who I am! The third eye represents my new heart, which is full.

Explanation of Mask

It was a typical Sunday, church, shopping and dinner with family. I took the dog out and never came back in. I was found in the driveway. I was rushed to Brockville General Hospital and then Ottawa Civic where they confirmed I had a ruptured brain aneurysm. I was put in an induced coma and placed on life support. Monday January 30, 2012 I had brain surgery. The next few days I was in ICU critical care. On February 9^th they had me on my feet, not too stable. Feb 12^th attempt to walk to bathroom, did not make it, and crashed to the floor. Test showed several blood clots, one formed near my heart producing a blockage to the left side of heart shutting it down. Now my major issue is not my brain but my blood. They found I was allergic to Heparin which they gave me on arrival. The next few weeks I had a huge team trying to keep me alive. I was released from the hospital March 6, 2012. I am a miracle girl!

Explanation of Mask

It has been 14 years but I still have very strong feelings. The different colours represent everything I feel. The red is my anger – why me. The yellow is my confusion – remembering. The blue is my frustration – not be able to do things I did before. The green is my guilt – leaving my children. The pink is my pain – my fibromyalgia keeps me from doing things. The orange is my determination – to do things with my kids. The brown is my fright – to never be able to do things that I did again. The white is my hope – that if I keep trying, I will be able to do things, and finally the purple is lucky – I’m lucky to be here and alive to watch and do with my kids.

Explanation of Mask

The explosion symbolizes the sudden and significant change that happened to my life when the accident happened (confusion, frustration, understanding, and patience). The mask is black because it was like being in another world with little understanding from others. It felt like being in the dark because there was not a lot known or support available. Over the last 35 years education and support has improved, but there is still a long way to go. The scrambled letters symbolize that communication was one of the after effects and trying to explain myself or interpret others is more difficult than before. This can cause me frustration. Until you go through it yourself, you don’t really understand it.

Explanation of Mask

The waterfalls symbolize the feeling of water rushing from one side of my head to the other. The music notes represent a huge part of my recovery, as music has always been an important part of my life, ever since I was little and it helped me get through my 10 weeks in hospital. The stitches across my mouth represent my inability to speak or sing after my surgery. The “God Answers Prayers” is important as it represents the power of prayer in times of need. The tear drops coming from my eye represent the pain and frustration I felt as I was recovering from my surgery.

Explanation of Mask

The different things I put on my mask were church music that I like including Tell Me the Old Old Story and Amazing Grace. I also like country music songs like Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks. Bed of Roses. I also was thinking of Koala bears and Panda bears because they’re cute and kittens and puppies. I also like when the clouds in the sky are a bright red and blue mixed together because they look like cotton candy. My last fun thing to do is going to the concert of New Kids on the Block and 98 Degrees with Victor and Victoria, my husband and friend.

Explanation of Mask

I mask out my aches and pains. I don’t complain. I am a rebel at times.

Explanation of Mask

Left side: crying and unhappy. Couldn’t figure out what was going on but didn’t give up. Complained and felt stupid. Couldn’t do anything right no matter how hard I tried. Right side: Concentrated on what I could do. Looked on things positively and the sun came out. Things got a lot better with help of family and friends.

Explanation of Mask

The brain and the LED light represent where my stroke was. The red lines represent the veins that supply blood to the brain. Aphasia is an impairment of language, affecting the production and comprehension of speech and the ability to read and write. I spent 9 months without a driver’s licence. I felt stuck at home and had to rely on others. Getting my licence back has allowed me to go to the gym and get things I need when I need them (independence). I quit drinking and smoking. I am eating healthy and exercising. But the question mark represents my fear of having a second stroke.

Explanation of Mask

There was/is a lot of pieces to the puzzle of my life since the aneurysm. Most of the symbols on my mask are self-explanatory. The paper clip is to represent the clip used to clamp off the aneurysm; the clover is to symbolize the fact that I feel lucky because things could have been far worse.

Explanation of Mask

The red, black, and purple paint represents all of my bruising and bleeds. I had a lot of broken blood vessels. The stitches are for the scar I have over my eye. I don’t remember why because I was in a coma. The lightning bolts represent what it felt like in my head. I had damage to my feet and back so I have a curvature in my spine and walk with a partial limp. The eyes represent some of the many different feelings I experienced. Dark blue – sadness, I cried a lot. Pink – thankful to be alive. Red – fear, anger, and anxiousness. Purple – confused, short memory. Yellow – laughing, positive attitude, and sense of humour. Clear – learning new things about myself. Light Blue – adjusting to change, my whole life changed.

Explanation of Mask

I have half of my mask painted blue, the other half white which represents a blank canvas or starting over. The green lightning bolts represent paralysis. I have a portion of my mask cut out to represent where they cut out part of my skull to allow my brain to swell. I also have a whiteboard to show my first way I was able to communicate. One of the first things I asked for in the hospital were the ingredients to make hollandaise sauce, so I have some eggs, whisks & butter. This shows that I never lost my knowledge and love for food and cooking after all I went through.

Explanation of Mask

On the left of the mask are the things that I felt before the stroke. I was a very animated person and words slipped off my tongue naturally. The things that I took for granted, I am more aware of now. In my wildest dreams I never thought that this would happen to me, and even though it’s not the most severe kind of stroke (I was very lucky), it could have been very debilitating. As hard as I try to find my old self I still feel frustration with my new life. It has been three years since my stroke and even though I have come a long way, I am at an impasse. On the right of the mask are some of the feelings that I am very frustrated with. I feel embarrassed at times and fearful of what the future brings. I feel cheated yet, thankful when I compare my stroke to others. The colours on the left are bright and vibrant just as I felt my life was then. The colours on the right of the mask represent the stroke itself and the part of my brain that I am missing. Many of the feelings that I have are new to me. I have never felt challenged or confused, hopeless or horrified before. I am now very short-tempered, grouchy, and I lose control much easier now. I have constantly got to be in check for these things that I dread every day. My new life is very frustrating but now I am learning to deal with it. I am very determined to live out my life; I am hopeful as opposed to hopeless and I am focused as opposed to flowing. I’m finding peace in a daily routine that is focused on minor household chores, rest, exercise and not over-doing it. I’m more available for my immediate family but because I do not have the same energy level, I feel that I am missing out on a lot. I feel cheated and angry because of this but I do not feel sorry for myself. I am optimistic that things will get better in time. I’m only now thankful that I have a wonderful support system with my wife and I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful and loving core. In summary, I will keep on challenging myself to relearn many of the things that I took for granted.

Explanation of Mask

Feeling lost, battered, and bruised. But I will take the pain and rebuild myself, in spite of the difficulty. When life knocks you down, get up, dust yourself off, and respond with: You hit like a B****, then continue with your day.

Explanation of Mask

The handcuffs represent my loss of control of my emotions. The globe represents everyone working together to get through a brain injury. The chalkboard shows there is a lot to learn about brain injury. Fireworks show each brain injury is different. The finger over the mouth means there is no reason to hide a brain injury, and to keep talking.

Explanation of Mask

My mask shows a dark side and a sunny side representing the good and the bad (good days and bad days). The red symbol on the mouth is for my broken filter.

Explanation of Mask

The patch and incision represent my aneurysm. The black bubble represents my dark thoughts at this time and my coma. The brain was my confusion. The fear symbol was fear of the unknown. Anger was what had happened and trying to do things and trying to figure things out. The symbols of shame and doubt represent no hair and life not getting better. The hope symbol represents that my life did get better. The symbols of the white lily and white butterflies show me that my faith in God and my family and friends continue to carry me through. The other butterflies symbolize new beginnings and a continuing work in progress.

Explanation of Mask

My mask is green because that is my favourite colour. The cross is my faith in the Lord who let me live. The confusion bubbles tells of my confusion at times. The cloud and rain tells of me never giving up. One of my stories is “Don’t worry be happy”. Diet Coke is my favourite drink. I am a 70’s man – Elton John, Cher, Dukes of Hazzard, and the Honey Mooners. I woke up later morning cheery and grateful that the Lord has let me live for a purpose he has not yet let me see. I love peanuts. The broom, shovel, and wrench tells the story of the handy man I have become around my home. So this ‘tis I. 

Explanation of Mask

Faith – makes me stronger. Scars – reminder of pains. Slow – get myself motivated. Home – where I’m most comfortable. Family – family means the best. Group – really like being with people like me. Friends – like me the way I am now. I am a different person now, but I like myself.

Explanation of Mask

The 4 leaf clover is a sign of good luck that I am still alive and I can still see, although my sight is limited now. The eye patch represents the loss of sight in my left eye. That side of my mask is blue because of the sadness I feel about losing my sight. But the other side is green because I have two eyes so I still have sight on that side. That is my happy and lucky side. The DNA chromosome represents my family’s history of diabetes. I fear that I may face the same fate. The X’s are for my jaw that was broken during the accident. I put the word family on my mask because they were there for me and went through this hell with me.

Explanation of Mask

My mask has two colours. Orange represents the long journey I had to take to get where I am today. The heart means I had my mom and brothers; they’re in my corner. The star is for all the people that prayed for me. Green represents all the love and friendship that I have today. The ladybug is for all the luck that God gave me. I am so lucky for all the friends that stuck by me. My mask means NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Explanation of Mask

The mask represents different stages of my life’s journey. The hair represents my alopecia that came from stress after my surgery. The lines on my forehead depict worry. The question marks depict my memory problems. The stitches represent the scarring from the surgery and after effects of the surgery & stress. The black behind the eyes is for depression & darkness, but I have a glimmer of hope things will get better with the pink eyes. The teardrop is for the sadness, my lips are for the smile I wear on the outside & frown on the inside. The green jewel on my lip represents all the medicines I take. The green shimmer represents the new me & the purple ribbon represents the epilepsy I had.

Explanation of Mask

Tired eyes because always tired. Para Transit because it was my means of transportation. Dybo sign because I am diabetic since 13. Watch because obsessed with time because my old watch from the Robin Easey Centre used to have alarms go off. Tree because of family. Cat paw because when I first was experiencing the bleed I was talking to my cat Flash who had passed away. All white with baby blue eyes. 7 stars because I love stars & 7 is my fave #.

My Story:

On May 21, 2010 my story be told
Approximately 11:32 am talking to my cat “flash” I collapsed,
my tragedy unfolds
An AVM bleed in my brain did occur
6 months pregnant at 22, my son Evan was born, but my mind was a blur
Air lifted to Ottawa, unbeknownst to my family and sis
A cat scan confirmed my diagnosis

In a coma I spent a month on machines
11 in total I’m told kept me a live by all means
The Drs they told my mom they weren’t sure
How long or if ever a recovery would occur
A significant bleed in both hemispheres
Most AVM bleeds are left or right it appears
But as most Drs said, complicated it was
The outcome would take time, a relative clause

Many months of recovery from a shunt, feeding tube, feeding tube and trache
I had to re-learn to walk, talk and eat steak
From both the Ottawa Civic to the General Rehab Facility
To the Robin Easey Centre I spent 9 months in errorless learning recovery

When I finally came home with my mom and my siblings
It was hard to adjust to this new beginning
The life I once knew was no longer the same
Each day was a process, no one was to blame
Although it’s been hard on myself and my family
I’ve learned to live life, to the best of my ability
I thank God every day for my continuing support
My brain injury unmasked, I will NEVER sell short!

Explanation of Mask

Lightning bolts is what it felt like when I was having my stroke. The clock represents the time I had my stroke. The gladiator (warrior) is what I am becoming as I am not going to quit or give up on my recovery.

Explanation of Mask

In the hospital after my bleed, I often told my friends and family that I felt like I was at the bottom of the ocean. It’s something that we’ve joked a lot about since, but I thought this would be a good image to incorporate into my mask. For a while after my brain injury, I felt like I was experiencing the world from a faraway point, my senses felt dulled and everything felt far away. But light can still break through the water’s surface. The anchor represents my feeling of being pulled down away from my old life. The shark is the anxiety that seemed to loom over me afterwards. The sea urchin represents the pain from headaches. The shadows under the eyes are the fatigue and trouble sleeping I have struggled with. But the school of fish in the shape of a heart represents the amazing support and love I have received from friends and family. The lack of colour for the puzzle pieces and flowers on the left side is meant to show the numbness I now have on the right side of my body as a result of my injury. I still wanted to incorporate the flowers though, to reflect beauty and my wish to appreciate the gifts in my life and to not take my life for granted as I had in the past.

Explanation of Mask

At age 50, I had an unexpected Hemorrhagic Stroke, that was left unattended by emergency staff, due to a lack of a professional Neurologist available. It was only when I began seizing, that they rushed me to the Montreal Neurological Institute and performed an operation, opening my skull, to remove the pressure because of the blood accumulating in my brain. I included the incision line on my mask, but I drew it in an approximate location. There were 32 staples used to sew the piece back on after a 2-week interval. I was paralyzed totally on my left side and could only move around out of bed using a wheelchair. I temporarily lost my ability to read and swallow. I lost the use of my arm permanently. I lost my job because I lost MY hearing. Although I have worked really hard over the years to regain my walking and balance, I still cannot comfortably remain upright without a brace on my leg and sometimes a cane. I was a VERY healthy 50-year-old when the trauma struck and had never had issues with blood pressure, weight, or cholesterol. The doctors described the stroke as “random”. The question mark on my mask is to indicate the “WHY” did it happen and the extreme confusion I experienced when I woke up from the operation. How could this happen to someone like myself, who had tried to look after their health? What was I supposed to do from that point on? The tear in my eye represents the utter despair I suffered from losing so much, in the blink of an eye. After 13 years,  I remain paralyzed in my left arm and dream of walking barefoot in the grass again one day, but keep my hopes alive that, God willing, I WILL make that walk and I WILL recover my arm to be able to lift my grandbabies, one day!

Explanation of Mask

Having a truck on me, I severely hurt my head. I have substantial scars on my face. I am also hormonally not right and grow excessive hair on my face. The world completely changed with my head so hurt. I can’t even smell with a head injury. I showed a cane as I have had 2 complete left hip replacements so I do need the aid in walking occasionally. Due to poor metabolism and hormone imbalance, I grow hair on my face endlessly. Even though I have had a facelift, my scars are still visible on my face. My world was turned upside down and never seems to be right. The bruising on my head is to represent that from the knee up I was completely black and blue and very swollen. My mom said I was so swollen I only had a tip of a nose showing.